You Have About 8 Seconds To Make A First Impression...
and it's really up to you on how you will be perceived. What you do not want to do is to be perceived "negatively," especially if you can help it. Unfortunately, bad First Impressions do last (and fortunately so does good First Impressions) and it is very difficult to change one's opinion of who they think you "are" after that first 8 seconds.
My beautiful son and I had a conversation about caring/not caring what people "think" about us or how others may perceive us. At first, we both agreed that, "Sure, we don't give a flying-fig what the hell people say/think about us!" Then, after some more thinking, we realized that the "impressions" we give to others (especially First Impressions) really does affect how we're perceived and how people we treat us. In the end, that really does matter to us.
Impressions affect your everyday life and perhaps your livelihood. First Impressions at interviews, social gatherings, school-settings (Teachers, Professors, etc.), meeting your potential in-laws, and among your colleagues can really make or break you.
I remember meeting my "Mother-in-law" for the very first time. I was told that my Father-in-law NEVER visits and hardly attends social affairs - even with/for family. However, I was still filled with anxiety about meeting just my Mother-in-law. She was coming to my home just to meet me and to check-out what "her son has gotten himself into." Yes, I was absolutely nervous! My food HAD to be perfect (I fixed a spread that my guests still talk about til' this day) and my apartment had to be spotless. After all, I was also meeting my brother-in-law, his wife, their child, a close family friend, my Sister-in-law (who I've already met and fell in love with...she told me not to worry) and her daughter. As if the day wasn't hectic and nerve-racking enough, I've invited 6 of my friends and not to mention the kids, Jonathan & Tiana, would be there too. To add to my anxiety, I've learned that my Father-in-law WOULD be coming. All of us, crammed inside that little apartment on St. Pauls Ave.
I needed my First Impression to be spectacular. However, that did not mean that I should be something that I'm not. I still wanted to be me, but I wanted to be the BEST me that I COULD be - hard to do with 10 dishes to make, cook, and prepare (in a kitchen smaller than most apartment closets) and while hosting about 18 guests in a crammed apartment.
Needless to say, I have survived my first encounter with my now extended family. I gave a great first impression (and so did they) and I'm happy to say that I am the same "me" they have met over 10 years ago. I could have given them a bad First Impression (or they could have given me a bad one) and our happy little loving family may not have been what it is today.
Here are 8 Simple Ways to make Good Impressions:
1. Be on time- There is nothing worse than being late, specifically upon your first encounter with someone (and especially when meeting new friends/family and at business meetings & interviews.) Punctuality is important so you must give your best efforts to be on time. Being late and constantly being tardy says that you just don't care and your time is more important than everyone elses. Plan properly and you'll be fine.
2. Listen- Demonstrate after your introduction that the other person or other people in the room are the center of attention. Listening to people differs from staying in a corner and being quiet. Give verbal cues as well as facial clues that you are paying attention. I remember attending a wedding where a gorgeous couple sat at my table. They did not know anyone, but even after introductions they sat "to themselves," made no attempts at conersation, and hardly made any eye-contact with anyone at the table even when engaged. Very awkward and teetering on rude!
3. Use Names - "Nice to meet you, Susan." "Mathew, what did you do next?" "That cocktail looks so delicious, Anne." Using the names of people you just met in conversation not only helps you remember them, but it makes the conversation more personal.
4. Pace Your Humor- This is the one that I'm careful about because I found that not everyone thinks I'm funny (unbelieveable, right?) When first meeting someone, you do not know their sensitivities. Here's my analogy: If you have a big sense of humor, dip your toes in and get acclimated before jumping in the pool. If you find the water to be cold, step out. If you find the water to be warm, make a few splashes - but just a few.
5. Appearance Counts- Now I'm NOT talking about wearing the latest fashions from the top designers. I'm talking about appropriate attire. I remember a couple showing up at my niece's wedding reception. The guy was wearing shorts, a tanktop, and an unbuttoned Bermuda shirt while wearing work-boots. The woman was wearing a much-too-tight WHITE dress. I knew right-away that they were NOT on the guest list because my niece and I went over her "seating" and invitations for like a hundred times. They turn to me bitingly and said, "We work with the Groom and our Boss invited us!" I did not comprehend such an answer. "Your boss? Your boss can't invite you to someone else's wedding." However, being as gracious as I could be, I told them to wait while I checked with the Bride & Groom if they could stay, after all it was not MY wedding. Well, the Bride looked at me like I was crazy for even asking (she apparently saw them walking in) and she told me that they don't even like them. So, out the door they went. Still, even if they were invited, they would have been asked to leave because their attire was so inappropriate. Your attire should match the occasion - always.
6. Mind Your Cultural Manners - Some cultures do not shake hands, other cultures (like Latino cultures) give a kiss to everyone they meet (whether they just met you or not), while in some cultures, it is impolite to make eye-contact for more than a second, in others not making eye-contact is considered rude. Be mindful of that and more importantly, do not offend or feel offended if someone's culture does not match your own. For instance, in a Traditionally Asian home or occasion - do NOT ask for a fork if a meal is offered (If you don't know how to use chop-sticks, then it's time for on-the-job learning.) If you're having visible trouble, the host/hostess may ask you if you prefer a fork , then again - he or she may not. Familiarity with cultures unlike your own shows that you are open, interested, and even appreciate things that are different - it goes a long way towards making good impressions.
7. Be Confident and Relax - A great attitude is very contagious. It makes people "want" to talk to you. They become more interested and comfortable around you as well.
8. Close with Kindness- Be sure to shake hands and say goodbye to everyone you have met (use their names) and quickly say goodbye to the ones you may not have met. That leaves a great Last Impression. It shows that even though you did not get a chance to meet everyone, you are courteous and respectful. It also leaves a warm feeling for when you meet again "Hi, weren't you at ______'s party? I was there too, my name is ______.
These tips can help you make great First Impressions in any situation. Have you ever made a bad first impression - how did you overcome this? Has anyone ever made a bad impression on you - did they ever redeem themselves? Please let us know in the comment section. Thanks!!
Author: H. Luiz, Posted on Wed, Oct 07, 2009
